"That will never happen to us"

....or will it?

You know how most people see a situation that other people go through, and you utter the words "That will never happen to me/us" in your brain. Well, I've done it. This weekend I realized that one of the things that my brain had decided was never going to happen, could, in fact, very realistically happen.

Are you ready for the scenario? Here we go.

Situation: Kids go off to college, leaving mom and dad in a house all by themselves for the first time in 18+ years.

Result: Mom and Dad don't know who each other are anymore, resulting in a lost marriage.

This weekend, Cooper was in KY with my grandparents. This allowed Andrew and I the amazing opportunity to spend some time together. This has happened many times before. We've had weekends together, date nights, and outings many times because we don't want the above situation to happen. This weekend there was something different in the air. It was almost as if we were lost without Cooper. Andrew makes a point to spend time with the family before Cooper goes to bed. Now that Cooper's not here, what is he to do? I'm always caring for, cleaning up for, preparing something for, loving on, or playing with Cooper. Now that he's not here, what am I supposed to do?

Resentment kind of filled the air as the hurt of being "lonely" in the world of Ohio hit both Andrew and I. I am used to having a great group of women around me who listen to me, and pour words of wisdom into me, helping me get through a situation. Andrew's used to being pre-occupied with a number of things, from youth stuff or hanging out with the guys. In Ohio, our world is different. I don't yet have the same type of friends to go to. Andrew does't have a youth group, or the group of guys to hang out with yet. We were forced to spend time together in a very different way and boy oh boy was it rocky at points.

As we were driving to church that morning I realized how easy it would be for us to end up the empty nesters who just can't hold the marriage together, because for the past 18+ years they have spent way too much time and attention with/on others rather than each other. Do you know how scary that thought is?

While we were at church, during worship, I said something to Andrew, expecting a problem-solving result, and instead I got a smart comment from him. My world came crashing down and I went to the bathroom and cried. When I composed myself to return, I sat down to a message about dealing with difficult people. Andrew is a difficult person. And I am a difficult person. Especially right now as we try to adjust to a completely different way of life, with completely different people around us.

I have to continually ask God for help in my marriage. I pray for God to move in Andrew's heart, but I also pray that he moves in mine more. I have to force myself not to say "It's not fair that I have to wash everyone's dishes" and instead say "I am loving my husband and child when I wash their dishes."

The weekend ended on a higher note. We talked it through, each came to our own acceptance of who Christ needed us to be in our marriage at that moment, and moved on with the day. We saw a movie, ate some grub, shopped some, and smiled together.

I decided this weekend that one day I would love for Andrew and I to renew our vows. I'm positive that when we got married we didn't really know. Our heads were in the clouds. Now we know just how much work it takes, for us to invest in each other, to not become like the situation listed above. And now that we know, how much more awesome will our vows mean the next time we commit and make promises to one another.

Husbands: Take hold of your wife. Wrap her in your arms. Tell her you love her OFTEN. Tell her the things you admire about her OFTEN. Tell her you appreciate her OFTEN. Lead her the way God designed for you to lead her.

Wives: Lift your husband up, in words TO HIM, in words to others ABOUT HIM, and in words TO GOD IN PRAYER FOR HIM. Don't drop hints about situations. Be honest about your needs, and speak clearly when identifying them. Respect him and his authority as the leader of your family the way God designed you to submit.

"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy without fault. In the same way, husbands out to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself." Ephesians 5: 22 - 28

Andrew, I love you. I choose you daily. I'm devoted to you. Do you wanna' re-commit one day?

To the rest of you: I hope you enjoyed the many styles and looks we have sported in our years together. They are in chronological order, by the way.