Seven things. Part 5.

Seven ways a child changed our marriage.

We discovered what being tired is really like.

Before having Cooper, Andrew wasn't a napper. Now he's all about the naps. Children bring mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion. And guess what? They are a daily exhaustion. Being tired has the obvious side effects on our marriage: grumpiness, bad moods, shorter fuses, and a lot more napping.




















Shopping takes at least twice as long.

Shopping together was something that Andrew and I enjoyed doing. Add a little boy distracting you creates a longer, less desirable trip. Not to mention you have less room for your goods.
< --- Case in point.
























Time together at home is interrupted.

I think this picture pretty much captures that point perfectly. It is so hard for Andrew and I to have good, meaningful time together when Cooper is awake. Just when you think you're conversation is rolling, something is spilled, a butt needs to be wiped, or, in our case, you get a TMNT sword to the face. When he goes to bed, sad to say, we sit like vegetables most nights, trying to recover from our day.

Nights/Days out are few and far between.

This was not necessarily the case when we were in Florida. We had family close by. Now that we are 1000 miles away, and now that we have a very limited budget, our nights out come once in a blue moon. If we aren't careful, we could got months between dates. Sad face.





















We are constantly teaching.

Our actions, good and bad, big and small, all set an example for Cooper. We have had to be careful how we say things, what we say, and be quite conscious of how we treat each other.

The list of things we teach Cooper is endless: what's this, what's that, how to do this, how to do that, why we do this, why we don't do that.

Even when we aren't literally sitting down with Cooper or taking time to explain things to Cooper, our actions and the way we go about our life teach Cooper. They are {hopefully} teaching him how to love.








Our purpose is bigger.

This picture was taken when we dedicated ourselves to raising Cooper in a godly home. The purpose of our marriage far extends each other now. The greatest gift you can give your children is a great marriage. That is something I go back to often. The purpose of mine and Andrew's marriage now extends to our dear Cooper. This bigger purpose pushes us to work harder. I pray the that I can be around to see the reward of our hard work: a grown up child who loves the Lord, seeks Him in all he does, and has healthy relationships with himself and others. Our marriage is one of the greatest influences for Cooper in those areas. Our purpose is big, and we are determined.

There is a lot more love.

Being a parent has shown us how our hearts can open wider to love more. Having a child has given us laughter, smiles, warmth, and love, love, love, more love.

Andrew, thank you for being a great dad to Cooper. Thank you for choosing us. I'm so glad you are the father of my child. I'm grateful for your support and hard work in parenting. Thanks for being a man Cooper can look up to. I love you.

Seven things. Part 4.

Seven Things I love about Andrew.

His crooked smile. Cooper got this trait from him. It makes my heart sing.

He's one of the most talented people I know. His talent doesn't stop at design. He plays the guitar, drum, or any other instrument you hand him, he sings, he is a great communicator, and a great leader.

He works hard. He works his tail off to allow me to stay home with Cooper. He has such dedication to the things he works on.

He is on a constant path of learning and growing. He is a man who is willing to learn. It's one of my favorite things about him. He will apologize and correct his ways. He is always aspiring to be a better husband, father, friend.

He supports me. He lets me and encourages me to go after my dreams. One dream I've had since I was little was to be a mom. Right now he is supporting me in an amazing way by allowing me to stay home. And it means the world to me.

He is an amazing dad. Cooper's eyes brighten when Andrew is home. Andrew is such a fun and loving father to Cooper.

He loves Jesus.  This is the most attractive quality I find in anyone. Andrew loves Jesus and a big part of why I love him.

Andrew, I'm thankful for all your talents and all that you bring to our marriage. I love you.

Seven Things. Part 3.

Seven things I've learned since being married.

It's not about me.
One time our pastor here at NewPointe said, "Marriage is God's way of knocking the selfishness out of you." I laughed out loud in agreement. I have said "Amen. Amen. Amen" over and over again at the thought of that statement. There's nothing like choosing to love someone else the rest of your life to help you learn how to be unselfish. I didn't have to choose my family. I didn't have to choose my child. I do choose Andrew. Every day. And choosing Andrew has helped me learn that servanthood is better than getting my desires met. I've learned that many of the times I am upset it stems from me being selfish and wanting things my way. In order to have a healthy marriage, I've had to put myself aside.

Communication gives life - when done the right way.
Disagreements are inevitable. Arguing is going to happen. If someone who is married tells you otherwise, they are hiding the truth. I am the type of person who withdraws in arguments. When I'm upset or when I disagree, I'm like a turtle retreating into it's shell. It has taken me all of these seven years to finally figure out that I need to speak up. Thankfully, I have a spouse who allows me to say what I am thinking and feeling. Not only allows it, has encouraged it. If I am honest and communicate things right away, a lot of hard feelings and bigger disagreements are avoided. Here's the deal: I have to communicate in a loving way. A way that's not yelling, not condescending, not rude. I have to communicate what I feel in love.

"I'm sorry" goes a long way. Need I say more on that point? Apologize. Show your kids how to solve problems. Show your kids (or anyone else who's watching) how to love others who aren't perfect. Apologize. Accept the apology. Then let it go and move on.

Find out your spouse's love language - then communicate in that way. Andrew's love language is words of affirmation. I have to affirm him verbally or with written words as often as I can. Mine is acts of service. When Andrew communicates his love for me through an act of service...be still my heart. If your spouse's love language is touch - extend a hand, pat them on the back every time you walk by them. If it's gifts - surprise them as often as you can. Put thought into gift giving occasions. If it's quality time - this means quality, not quantity. Sometimes it might not be enough to be watching tv together. Sometimes it's important to turn off the tv and talk. You get the drift. Communicate in the proper love language. When you do it will be beautiful.

There is one other vital part of communication that has nothing to do with what you say or how you say it. It's being able to handle what the other person says, and extending grace when necessary. You aren't perfect. And you didn't marry perfect. Neither one of you is going to get it right all the time. If your spouse tells you something that you don't like to hear - don't go off the deep end. Take in what they say. Evaluate it. Is this an opportunity for you to grow? And if they yell - instead of yelling back, talk calmly. Or tell them to take 5 and then continue the conversation when they (or you) have calmed down. It's important that when the words are yelled, or are hurtful, that you can take them in and extend grace.

It's fun.
It's so fun to be married. We get to do fun things together. We get to have someone to talk to, laugh with, watch shows and movies with, play games with...all the time. It helps when you have a mate like Andrew. He keeps our nights pretty entertaining.

It's hard work.
Kind of ironic considering the previous point. This will be one of the longest relationships I have. Not only that, it will be one of the most impacting. Our marriage impacts the two of us, but also Cooper, his future wife, their children, and their children's children. That's a lot of generations to set an example for. Not only them...but the kids we have ministered to in youth ministry as well as adult leaders. Add on top of that our friends, co-workers, small group members...they've all been impacted in some way by our marriage as well. The question we have to ask ourself is whether or not we want our impact to be a bad, good, or great one.

Andrew and I want our impact on everyone we come in contact with, our impact for Cooper, and our impact for each other to be positive. That requires work. Hard work. There are some days I wanna throw in the towel. There are some days I just wanna be a young college girl again. There are some days it's hard to love him. I have to go against those wants. I have to work every day to keep our marriage healthy, thriving, and fun. And when one day is conquered, the next day is there waiting to be conquered as well.

Working hard at marriage is unlike anything else I've experienced. It's draining, confusing, and heart-wrenching at times. But it is a hard work that really pays off. The work you put into it will have its rewards.



Together is better.
There are so many ups and downs in life. In our time together we have been through deaths in our families, near deaths in our families, unemployment, financial trouble, moving, crazy taxes, car trouble, health scares, parenting woes, exhaustion, and relational conflict. We have also been through times of health, financial stability, secure jobs, rest and vacations, reliable cars, wonderful homes, relational highs, and parenting joys. I am so glad I've had someone by my side through all of it. Together through theses times is way better than apart. I'm so glad I have a friend, confidant, and lover, through all the ups and downs of my life.

Jesus loves me most.

Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Marriage has also helped tell me so.

God uses marriage in scripture to teach us about his love for us. The church is the Bride, and Jesus is the Bridegroom. In Revelation we see a wedding of the Lamb, and his bride, the church is ready in white.

Marriage is a window into how Jesus loves us. How he chooses us and loves us perfectly every day. Andrew isn't perfect. Neither am I. Therefore, we run into some trouble. We argue. We let each other down. But, Jesus never has.

Jesus loves me more than Andrew. I have to remind myself of that over and over again. It also helps me to remember that Jesus loves Andrew more than I do as well. HIS love is perfect and unfailing.

Marriage doesn't fulfill me.

This is one of my all time favorite pictures of us. I wish it weren't taken on a camera phone so it wouldn't be so blurry.

I always thought when I got marriage everything would be "complete". My hearts biggest desire fulfilled and I could move on in life. Only once I got married I realized marriage wasn't there to fulfill me. And it can't fulfill me. There's only once source that I can gain complete fulfillment. And that's Jesus. Only he can complete me, make me whole.

When I leave it up to Andrew and our marriage to complete me, I complicate our marriage. I'm giving Andrew a task that he absolutely cannot be successful in. It has taken me a lot longer than I'd like to admit to realize this. If only I had let go of those expectations a long time ago. If only I had run to Jesus more for my desires instead of running to Andrew for my desires.

Andrew, Thanks for being the person I have learned these things alongside of. I'm glad we've learned to extend grace and forgiveness. I'm glad that we've gone through life together. I'm glad we have fun together. I'm glad you're the one by my side. I love you.

Seven Things. Part 2.

This day, 7 years ago, Andrew and I had a most beautiful ceremony in which we said, "I do." And we had a most fun reception to follow. I can almost relive this entire day in my memory. And I'm glad that I can remember a lot of it. I remember being purposeful with putting things away in my memory that day. I tried to savor so much of it. While I remember a lot, I've chose 7 to share with you today.

7 Most Memorable Moments from our wedding day.

Family.
I was surprised at how much of my family made it down for the wedding. All sides and all distances made it. It was amazing. And so special. That morning we went to breakfast with some of them. And I'm so thankful we did. At the wedding and reception you don't get a lot of time to sit down and catch up. It was so nice to have those moments with them that morning. And I won't forget the looks on my mom, dad, brother, and grandparents face when they first saw me dressed. My family - every one of them - has been one of the biggest blessings I've had. So grateful they were there for and a part of my wedding day.

Walking down the isle.
The church we married in didn't have a center isle. So as we walked I only saw the people there, not Andrew. I held on tight to my dad as we walked down. As we were walking I remembered that I forgot to put the veil over my face. I remember telling him we forgot as we walked. I remember a lady who I used to babysit for and had moved away reaching out her hand and grasping me as we neared the end of the isle. I remember smiling at each one of my bridesmaids before I locked eyes with Andrew. Who knew so much could be remembered from a short walk? It was one of the greatest walks I've ever taken.

Andrew crying.
It was my goal that Andrew would see me and cry. Well, he didn't cry when he saw me, but he did have to stop a couple of seconds during the vows to catch his breath. When he took a deep breath and breathed out, I remember my hair and veil blowing a bit. Many don't know it, but he has his sentimental moments. That was one of them.

My girls.
I have no regrets about who stood with me that day. Each one of them I would choose again. I had my two closest friends from high school: Stephanie and Erin. I had my girls from college: Allison, Amanda, and Erin. And I had Andrew's sister, Ashleigh. They were the perfect girls. Supportive, laid back, and helpful. All of them still are to this day.

Throwing up in the bathroom during our reception.
I had an incredible peace all day long. But as soon as we got to the reception the nerves hit. The thought of what was going to happen after the reception freaked me out. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat. When I went to the bathroom the nerves came out in the form of throwing up. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget my dress taking up all of the stall while I lost my lunch. Afterward, I walked back onto the dance floor for the father/daughter dance. Classy, I tell ya.

Brooke Bailey running her hands all over my dress.
She was a sweet little girl who was so mesmerized. I guess to her I looked like a princess. Her mom still talks about how embarrassing it was. However, I loved it. It was one of the sweetest things. It made me feel like a princess.

Dancing.
As you've figured out by now, it's my love language. It's no surprise that it make the list. I got to dance with Andrew, my dad, my brother, and a slew of other people. I also got to watch other people have fun on the dance floor. My aunt even danced a hole in her panty hose! It was amazing. And fun. Fun and amazing.

Andrew, I'm so glad you are the one to whom I promised "I do". You are the one I prayed for years before we even met. The day we got married was the start of a crazy journey. Thanks for taking my hand 7 years ago today. I love you.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our day.

I love this picture because of my mom. And it helps me remember her broken wrist!

I love this woman.

My love and his guys. They are all babies here.

Love these girls.

There is so much about this picture that I love.

We wanted a candlelight, Christmas ceremony. I think we achieved the vision.

Andrew's family.

My family.

Hi girls!

I know this picture is so random, but I love how happy everyone is. And, I love Aaron's face.

Happy first dance.

Our cake was delicious. People still talk about how good it tasted.

Aunt Susie dancing a hole into her hose.

This picture made me tear up. It's so, so precious now.

A perfect goodbye to a perfect day.