Let's start with my friend's words:
Parenting is so hard. There are some days when I feel on top of things, more or less, and can go to bed believing that I’m doing things right. I’m instilling values, facilitating the drive for learning, reading, praying and cleaning together. I’m making plans for socialization, developing motor skills and creative play. The gamut of childhood experience is being addressed and I’m tired. What do I do then when it all feels like I’m failing despite my best efforts?
I have been blessed to stay home with our kids but sometimes there is so much pressure. It’s the same pressure toward perfection that I’ve always felt and have always fallen short. All of the typical household things combined with raising kids is a lot. I feel like I should be able to do all these things with relative ease but of course, once I feel like things are smooth, it crashes and I am in the dumps about it. I am no good at this! I love being home but I have no idea how to not let these things control me. How do you get a three year old be nice? To share? To obey? To love, be apologetic, sincere, responsible and caring? I want to instill love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control in her but I don’t know how.
To view her full post, click here.
She is not alone. I've had those same thoughts, the same discouragement. What moms do is put forth their best efforts. And we've been taught all through life that if we do our best, that's all that matters. If we keep trying, we will succeed. But in parenting, we can't see the success until 18+ years down the road when they are adults living on their own. Right now we're only seeing age three...and if you looked at success by the behavior of your three year old, it seems as if you're failing. And if you did the math, that means you've got at least 15 more years to feel like a failure. I'm not sure we will ever know if we are getting it right.
A few days ago I was thinking about my parenting. Looking at my faults, setting a new course of action, praying for myself and my child. The phrase, "do as I say not as I do" came to my mind. I don't want to be a mom that ever, ever says that. I want to be a mom that says, "do as I do." Look at me, observe me, and act the way I do.
How do I get my three year old to obey? To be nice? To share? To love, be apologetic, sincere, responsible and caring? How to I instill love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control? Well, a whole lot of different means of discipline and rewards and talks and prayer. But "do as I do" would start with a simple step of modeling the behavior.
"Do as I do" is a scary phrase. On the surface it means that I have to be perfect in all of the aforementioned areas. And let's face it, I'm not. I'm not perfect at all. I fail in those areas and a whole list of other areas often.
So today as I was praying for my friend, it hit me. "Do as I do" is not just about what we do right, it's about what we do wrong as well. Watch me fail at this task. But also watch the way I handle it. Watch me speak mean to your daddy. But also watch as I tell him I'm sorry and ask his forgiveness. Watch the way I yell at you. But also take note of me apologizing to you, and us praying together while I talk to God about it.
Watch me be imperfect...because I need Jesus.
I have talked to several people recently about how I have realized that Cooper will have have some sort of sin in his life that will make him realize that he needs Jesus. And that thought overwhelms my heart. But it is also exciting to think about the day Cooper realizes he needs Jesus. The same as me, the same as anyone. My heart's desire for Cooper is that one day he accepts Jesus as his savior, loves Jesus, and lives his life for Jesus. Being perfect doesn't require Jesus. Being imperfect does.
So, do you dare to be an imperfect mom? Do you dare to embrace grace instead of perfection?
You are a great mom. A mom worth celebrating! You are not perfect. I am not perfect. But we can teach our children about Jesus by showing them how much we need Him. We need Jesus just as much as our children do. Embrace the moments you fail as a way to show your child what healthy failure can look like.
Dear friends, look around you. Find a mom. Encourage her. Don't beat her up with "you're doing it wrong." Let the phrase, "you're a great mom" slip off of your tongue more often. I cling to the encouraging words uttered by my friends when doubt and failure slip into my mind.
To all the mommas, I urge you to call on Jesus. He's by your side. He goes before you, with you, and behind you. Embrace the moments you falter, they bring you back to Jesus, and help point your children that way, too.
The lyrics of this Chris Tomlin song resonated with my heart today. I hope they do for you as well.
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
My strength is in Your name
For you alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
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