We have had a difficult week of sleep. Cooper is up way early (like 4 AM), wanting to climb in bed with us. I'm so tired at that point of the morning that I can't even wrap my mind around taking him back to bed, much less actually doing it. So many times he is in-between Andrew and I until about 7:30 when I finally deem it an acceptable time to wake up. In those hours he is with us there is kicking, crying, and sometimes snoring. Basically, you can guarantee that I'm not getting much sleep in those hours.
To top it off, Cooper has decided that it is not ok to fall asleep in his bed. Not for naps, not at night time. One of us has to be there with him, or he has to be in our bed.
One night this week Cooper got up at 3:30 am - yes, you read that right. It was the same night I stayed up until 1:30 sewing a turtle shell. I decided enough was enough and I took him back to bed, at which point he kicked, screamed bloody murder, and hit me repeatedly. I was sooooo over it.
Our plan of action: pretty much sleep training all over again.
AND, a new bed. I think Cooper has had difficulty sleeping because he is just too big for his crib turned toddler bed. I think he likes to sleep in our bed because there is more room.
So, we took down the crib and put up a toddler bed for him.
At one point I stood there trying to remember this moment. The excited look on Cooper's face as he sat on it. How he all of a sudden looked older. And it was quite a sad moment for me. Sad that I really cannot stop or turn back time. I can't go back and hold him like I did when he was a baby. I can't breathe in that new baby smell. He is growing up. And way too fast.
But I think I was also a bit sad because I had always imagined us moving another child into the crib before tearing it down. That just hasn't happened yet and it's something I have kept pretty quiet about, and still will. Maybe one day I'll share more. But in the midst of it all I'm learning that as much as I think I can plan my life, God has complete control.
Not only does he have control of my plans, but Cooper's. And I pray that as he grows up, and outgrows beds, he leans into God's plan for him, and lets God shape his life.
Last night it took Cooper about two hours to go to sleep for good. I don't know if it was a new bed, or his stuffy nose, but it was another rough night. Tonight I got out the humidifier and put vicks vapor rub all over him. He fell asleep quickly and without incident. Whew!
I'm hoping that as Cooper's mom I can embrace his growing up, his changes. Holding dear to the memories of him little (one of the reasons for this blog) and living it up with him in the present.
And may we all embrace the life God has for us, no matter how much it goes against our plans, growing and changing in Him as we age.